Tweets - 31 dec 2019

Friends who know me since 2017: kau ni badan tak naik2 eh
Friends who know me since 2011:
wah yan, badan kau makin naik


@aiirifrost
·
Nov 1, 2019
Recent spats of molestation cases among teens - korang tkde hobby lain ke? Play guitar and form a band ke. Release your energy somewhere useful please. Form boyband pon ok.


Sometimes a person's obesity can determine a person's financial status



A twin under 700cc with 100hp Face screaming in fear

That's insane if you ask me. A twin duc or ktm engine needs to be around 800cc to archive that kind of power


@IslamicTongue
·
Nov 10, 2019

ALLAH will not put a burden on you which you cannot handle!!!

Kalau keje dgn lain department lain agency nak kene sombong ke?

Let's be mature guys. There's always rumours being spread about other departments killing each other. But who knows in times of need, kita akan perlukan tolong antara sama2?

Remember the tale of the Lion face and the Mouse face

Semua hobi pakai duit. Collect helmet motor, main muzik, main drone, main bowling blaa bla

Ade ke hobi yng tak pakai duit?

Nose piercings are a turn off for me

@iffgone

·

Nov 16, 2019

Someone :

Colgate is a brand

Maggie is a brand

Planta is a brand

Clorox is a brand

Pampers is a brand

Panadol is a brand

Me : 

Belikan maggie Indomie, pampers Drypers, colgate Darlie, planta Butterfly dengan clorox jenama Vanish.

Consider myself to be an empathetic person because everything is about perspective

Everybody cares about whether they got stabbed behind their back, nobody realises that someone has helped them without them knowing. #antihusnuzon

Locker West Wing, pantry East Wing, toilet central wing. Tempat wudhu pun mcm jauh dari locker takde shelter

@ashvinmenon

·

Nov 23, 2019

I legit remember asking my dad when I was young why he was eating beef.

"Oh because Malaysia imports our cows from Australia which means they're Christian cows so it's fine"

I... I believed this for longer than I'd like to admit. Face with tears of joy

'1. Recognise the unfair advantages'

When she mentions this, it can actually be applied to many things in life

Financial status, religion dedication, work skill level and etc

Most instances rely on family backgrounds or past working experience

If you think air frying food is much more healthier than deep frying.. Wait till you try to clean your air fryer Neutral face 6-7 years worth of grease

@FakkahFuzz

·

Aug 18, 2013

I'm at the age where if I see an old dude wear a T-shirt of my fav band, i get excited and then I realize that we were classmates in pri sch

4 plugs 3 bottles and the air filter cleaned. 120 bucks

For the bros who are too easily mesmerised by a girl's beauty, remember

A bicycle completely fixed with a r15 coverset is still a bicycle

"I'm at the age where if the group of MRT police see me, they greeted me 'good evening uncle/auntie' instead of screening me"

Dulu rt strict seh. Attire and bearing the tiptop, kene fall in according to number tag. Trainer pulak tekan kite rabak2 mcm recruit

Skrg.. Boleh pakai earrings la, rambut zlatan la, rambut cavani la.. Fall in pun bersepah

Lagi pandang korg2 yng taknah buat ippt 5 stations

Hot shower after riding and drenched in downpour. Best feeling so far

@aimansalim_

·

Dec 20, 2019

zombie boleh gigit manusia, lepastu jadi zombie. kenapa manusia tak gigit zombie. lepastu jadilah manusia

"nod cosmetics - ALL EYES ON YOUU"

"ejen riyan ria - JANGAN PANDANG BELAKANG"

"nene chicken - NENEK KAUUU"

First time successfully did parallel parking. In between 2 cars.

Nothing to brag though. Did it with a kecik molek blu sg car Smiling face with open mouth and tightly-closed eyes

Mak cik at the mee rebus stall charge me 80 cent for begedil

@ShaykhAzhar

·

Dec 24, 2019

It’s not haram to wish our Christian friends a merry Christmas. 

It’s not haram to wish our Jewish friends a happy Hanukkah. 

It’s a greeting, not the propagation of a belief system, so relax.

Your faith won’t dissolve, I promise you.

@vpsupercorp

·

Dec 27, 2019

Our govt: Singapore has no natural resources, we are the only resource. 

ME: okay, so why dont you invest in us? Give us free education, free healthcare, and increase our wages, 

Our govt: *cricket noises*

Tweets - 31 oct

What superpower do you wish you could have?
The ability to control any audio equipment
Ah beng nga bawak escooter bukak lagu techno kuat2. Tiba2 aku tukar jadi surah al-imran by sheikh mishary alafasy
Pastu die terpaksa stop kejap pakai songkok jubah


Favourite sad song.
Sometimes things in life crumbles like a #houseofcards But just know that you're not alone and helping hands are just around the corner.
May you find strength in your Maker and ease the pain. It's never the end but always a new beginning


@Alhamdoelilaah
Allah will never give you more than you can bear. He might let you bend, but He will never let you break. Trust Him!
"Allah does not burden a soul beyond it can bear."
[Qur'an 2:286]


Few days ago I spotted the car with a 360 camera mounted at the top.. I'm gonna be on google whahahaha


The new Saudi. Woman can now drive. Not that I'm against it


Me: jawi name written on ic, arabic username on facebook
Also me (a middle-eastern man asks for directions):


Officially watched my first naruto episode


@IlmFeed
"If you want something bad enough and you haven't prayed tahajjud, I don't believe you want it bad enough in my opinion."


@SwearingSport

Never fucking forget the time a cat ran into a glass door during a French baking show


Abeh kalau songkok tapi kat atas ade circle pentagram


@KingBach
·
Sep 27, 2019

All comedy offends someone. Name one comedian that doesn’t offend anyone. I’ll wait...


I rarely drink redbull. Why do they taste like concentrated pineapple juice



Morale always perks up when you find someone shitter than you


1. Excessively long intros
2. Like share and subscribe like share and subscribe (i need it or I'll kill myself) 
3. Please buy my merchandise! (i need your money too)
4. More obnoxious music than engine sounds


And in english football context, the last time a league champion won with four matches to spare is man united's 2012/13 season


One litre tupperware full of mac chilli sauce packets
My sis should chill on the mcdelivery/grab


In the middle-east version of the reality show The Bachelor, do they have four winners


@UstazAmirulAmin
·
Oct 7, 2019
NAK keluarga BAHAGIA?
Kita WAJIB:
-Baca Al Quran at least 1 muka surat sehari,
-Baca 1 hadis Nabi Muhammad Saw setiap hari bersama ahli keluarga,
-Baca Istighfar setiap hari at least 100 kali setiap hari,

Hubungan family akan baik,kalau hubungan dengan ALLAH dipelihara.


Took me 9 years before reaching the peak
Huge milestone ahead of me and it'll be another 9 years for me to reach this same height again?
But alhamdulillah jodoh arrives at the proper time Smiling face

Sudden flashbacks during nsf life where digit only varies between doubles and triples


As soon as I get my flooring done, I'm gonna lay all my mcycle spare parts and list them on carousell


My formerly obese 40-year old friend can now run under 6:40mins per km Face screaming in fear father of two

Meanwhile, I'm struggling to run at 8mins per km Smiling face with open mouth and cold sweat


@ianznal
·
Oct 15, 2019
Ramai cakap Twitter ni toxic. Bagi aku tak. Kalau di facebook, kita boleh tengok ramai orang share benda tak betul, dan disokong makcik makcik yang kurang membaca. Di instagram pula ramai penjilat. Kau lawa/hensem, berduyun orang jilat. Di Twitter pula, kau salah, kau mampos.


Please.. Stop calling your spouse ex-bf/gf. Cheesy cliche shit
Face vomiting
Because what if her/his other past exbf/gf commented too? Like six seven of them

Seriously I'm gonna create six seven fake accounts just comment on your stupid punk ass captions


@WhoTheFckIsAJ
·
Oct 20, 2019
'When someone tries to offend you, remember you can't control what they do but you can control your response. Save yourself & don't react.'


I never liked coffee. But I just tried OTWC hazelnut flavour.. Damn I think I gonna start drinking coffee


Pinjaman dunia, bila2 Tuhan boleh tarik balik dari kite. So be humble.


First time Ricky gervais stand up comedy

Aku mengucap


They started singing 'let it goes, let goes.. encik masagos..'